It's nearly 11pm. And I'm sitting here waiting for Charlotte to fall back asleep. She's in her crib crying right now, and I can't go to bed until she goes back to sleep...because she's still sleeping in our room. And the second she sees me, she'll never go to sleep. We need to get her moved out of our room! I had to buy some blackout shades for the office first (which will be her temporary nursery)...done! Got them and installed them this week. Now I just need to get the crib disassembled, moved, and reassembled (since it doesn't fit through our doorways). I could do it myself, but seeing as how I haven't done it before and don't have the instructions, and my hubby, who is now a pro with it, can do it in under 10 minutes...I am trying to wait for him. But I haven't seen him since Sunday. He's been working 5am to 10pm or later (he's not even home yet tonight and like I said, it's almost 11pm).
Charlotte has literally been up every 45-60 minutes for the past 3 nights. I'm exhausted. I can hardly see straight. We took her pacifier away a few weeks ago, and the only way I can get her back to sleep right now is to nurse her. So I'm nursing her every hour or more. And getting basically no sleep. This needs to stop! Which is why I'm trying to let her cry. Maybe she's going through a growth spurt, but she's not nursing any more often during the day than usual. I don't know. I don't get it. Growth spurt or no growth spurt, I can't be up nursing 10 times a night. She has never once slept through the night since she was born. It took Eden a while...I think she was like 9 or 10 months when she started sleeping all night. But she was also never up 10 times a night. She was not a good sleeper until she was about a year...with exceptions during times when teeth were coming in, but she was still a far better sleeper than Charlotte! I feel bad because I'm short-tempered and tired and lose my patience easily with Eden right now. It's not her fault that her sister has kept me up all night since Sunday or that Daddy has to work insane hours right now (there used to be 3 people that had the same position as Corey...one person quit and another got unexpectedly fired last week...so right now he's alone trying to do 3 people's work...can't be helped and it's not at all his fault...I'm very thankful to have such a dedicated and hard-working husband...the timing just stinks!). Today was especially rough. Eden usually sleeps a good 12-13 hours at night (8pm to 8 or 9am). But lately she's been getting up at 7 or 7:30am. And she's been waking up really cranky and grumpy. Crying and whining about everything. Everything is a big deal. Everything causes a meltdown. And then she's really naughty/testy until naptime. She takes a nap and wakes up the same way...crying, whining, cranky. And it's a struggle until bedtime. This whole week. She's working on her last two teeth...those top canines. And they are a beast. They've been bugging her for a few weeks now. One has popped through the skin but is still bugging her a little...the other one hasn't quite poked through yet. I'm chalking her attitude up to being in pain (or at least praying she'll go back to normal when teething is over). But it's still hard. And I can't just excuse her behavior because she's teething. She still needs to listen and obey and be respectful.
And lately, Eden has turned into miss bossy big sister. She keeps trying to tell Charlotte what to do (or not do), she takes Charlotte's toys...it doesn't matter what Eden was playing with, she only wants to play with the exact toy that Charlotte is playing with. If she takes it and Charlotte moves on to something else, then Eden wants whatever thing Charlotte is now playing with. It's ridiculous. Oh, and she keeps trying to pick her up and hold her. Eden is two. Charlotte is almost 9 months. Eden literally is not big enough to pick her sister up. And no matter how many times I tell her not to because it's dangerous and no matter how many times I turn my back for a second only to hear a crash, bang, and crying...she still does it. Despite time outs and warnings and all. I've tried the pack-n-play for Charlotte to keep them apart, but Eden just tries to climb in or drop toys in for Charlotte...which usually are large heavy ones that land on poor Charlotte's head. So that's not a safe option either. Eden is probably one of the most snuggly/touch-needy kids I've ever met. And Charlotte is the exact opposite. She is fiercely independent and prefers to be left alone. Granted, she likes my boobs a lot and likes being on my hip as often as possible...but I think some of her wanting to be held is partially just to get away from Eden. I think she gets annoyed and frustrated and wants a break from being smothered by her sister. If Charlotte had her way, Eden would be silly and entertain her/make her laugh or play alongside her, but never try to cuddle or snuggle her. And if Eden had her way, Charlotte would be in her lap or climbing on her or cuddling with her every second of every day. And Eden would be big enough and old enough to hold her and discipline her (yes, she has attempted discipline...she says "look at me, Charlotte....no, no Charlotte!...go to your room, Charlotte!"...wonder where she gets that?). So funny to hear/see your kids repeat your habits/behavior. Charlotte doesn't even like to snuggle me. As much of a mama's girl as she is...she won't even cuddle with me. The only "snuggles" I get are when she's nursing or on the rare occasion that she falls asleep on me while nursing. Otherwise, the minute she's done eating, she literally pushes me away and tries to launch herself away from me. It's pretty ridiculous.
She stopped crying and sounded like she was going to go to sleep for 10.8 seconds. And now she's screaming again. She's been crying for 40 minutes. And I just want to sleep! I might have to give in and nurse her. Lord, please give me some sleep tonight!!
I really do love being a mommy and love my girls more than anything on this earth...but sometimes being a mommy is just hard and you need to vent.