Here's the latest...
- Despite chiropractic, acupuncture, home exercises, homeopathics, and attempting an ECV (after meeting with a total of 3 docs, 2 of the 3 recommended trying it, so we did, and it was not successful), this baby boy is still BREECH.
- I've started shining a super bright LED flashlight on the bottom of my belly a few times a day (sounds silly, I know), and he's been crazy active when I do that. Maybe there's still hope he'll turn?
- My fluid levels are back up and look great thanks to lots of h2o, so that's no longer a concern.
- We officially have an OB who is willing to allow us an attempted vaginal breech delivery at the hospital. The hospital has approved his request (most hospitals won't actually allow it), and we have a birth plan in place...as long as he comes this week! Our doc has been extremely thorough in making sure all possible concerns about a breech delivery have been checked out to make sure I'm the right candidate for this...and I am!
- Our OB is very supportive of our desire to deliver naturally. He personally calls me to check in on me, and I've either seen or talked to him every single day since we transferred care to him. He's done some breech births before, so while he's not crazy experienced, he is comfortable with everything.
- I cannot tell you how much I love my midwives and how supportive they've been through this whole thing. We've hired one of them to be our doula through labor at the hospital. And we plan to transfer care right back to them after this baby is born for all postpartum and breastfeeding support. I am not sure I could do this without them! I talk via phone or email with them almost daily.
- In the event that this little guy doesn't come on his own by his due date, I'll be heading to the hospital for a scheduled c-section. The concern is that past 40 weeks, babies get bigger and a bigger baby could mean more complicating factors for a breech delivery. And my OB also happens to leave town on 9/4 (I'm due 9/1), and there isn't anyone else who is going to deliver me. So if I went into labor after he was gone, I'd have an emergency c-section anyway. Our scheduled c-section is ON my due date...Monday, September 1st at 8am. So that's my deadline to get this kiddo to vacate my body on his own terms.
- Just like I had with Charlotte, I've had several rounds of contractions that last a couple hours but then either go away entirely or slow down. So we'll see what happens. Hopefully these contractions are at least productive in that I'm dilating and effacing and not going through the discomfort for no reason!
If I can be totally honest for a minute...I'm terrified. I don't do very well with the unknown or unplanned. If he was head-down....I'd be not exactly looking forward to labor and delivery because I know what's coming, but I wouldn't be scared of it...because I've done this twice already! But this is kind of a whole knew ballgame. I don't know if labor will feel the same? Different? Be more difficult? Will pushing take longer? Will pushing hurt more? Will I need an episiotomy (this tends to be a more commonly used tactic with breech babies)? Sometimes I wonder...can I even do this?? Am I insane for wanting to do this? Will I be able to do this unmedicated?
It's been hard not knowing the answers to all those questions. I've been struggling with a lot of anxiety over it all. I've had some emotional breakdowns (sorry to my midwife who talked me through one on the phone yesterday!) due to stress and anxiety. A part of me just wants to have the c-section because maybe that will be easier. I haven't had one before, but at least I know it's not a matter of whether or not I can do it. But then I also know that recovery with a cesarean is harder and longer than a regular delivery. I'll be up and mobile and feeling better faster with a regular delivery. Breastfeeding will be easier and come more naturally. I won't have to worry about complicating factors for another baby if we had a #4. VBACs are allowed and practiced regularly in our state (only at one hospital in the state, but it happens to be the one that's 5 minutes from our house), so it wouldn't be out of the question...but it would be harder. And more complicated. And I wouldn't be able to do a birth center delivery. And there are plenty of risks with a c-section as well.
I feel like I have Jekyll and Hyde on my shoulders whispering the risks and downfalls of each type of delivery. Makes it hard to look forward to having this baby in either form! I just wish he'd flip around already!
So that's where I'm at. My midwife has suggested, and I agree it's entirely possible, that I'm stalling my own labor due to my fear and anxiety of this whole birth. Corey and I have been praying together, and I'm trying to seek Jesus in the moments where I feel overwhelmed by everything. It's hard to let go of the birth experience I thought I was going to have and so badly wanted. It's hard not knowing what will happen. It's hard giving up control.
So that's where I'm at. I've got a couple more doctor appointments this week, I've started in on some homeopathics to help encourage labor (as prescribed by my midwife). I've got a labor induction acupuncture appointment for Friday afternoon. And now it's just a matter of letting go, trusting God, and waiting.